Polaris
Sometimes, I do.
Elaine Ching
Volume 4 Issue 5
June 26, 2024
Image Provided by Elaine Ching
Sometimes I still think about it.
When it’s too late at night and no one else is up
When it’s too early in the morning and everyone else is still asleep
When it’s too quiet and I’m left alone with my own thoughts.
And it doesn’t happen often.
That part’s important for you to know.
When I say, “I’m over it” I really am “over it”.
It’s just sometimes, at the most boring, mundane, quiet, moments of life you’ll pop into my head again.
After traveling a long distance all the way from the back of my mind,
where you don’t even set off the tiniest alarm bells, the ones I originally installed to go off at the slightest movement from you.
For the most part now, you can scream and shout, but they still don’t see you.
But sometimes, you’ll just ride my train of thought.
Suddenly, you’re sneaking onto my Grand Central at the “Nostalgic Longing” station.
And I’m back to seeing you in every piece of clothing, meal, and song.
Sometimes it’ll last for a few days
Sometimes it’ll last for a few moments
But no matter the duration, I still tell myself, “It was for the better.”
And in the busy moments of life
When I’m laughing with people who aren’t you
When I’m writing about happiness and not grief
When I’m not going to war against myself, but at peace.
I don’t think about it.
But sometimes, I do.